


Everything Comes Back To You

by Gummiebear



Category: One Direction (Band), The Voice (Ireland) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 14:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12706581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummiebear/pseuds/Gummiebear
Summary: Niall always thought going home was a saying, never a person.





	Everything Comes Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the fastest I ever wrote anything and my first Nessie fic. Blame Flicker. I want to say a massive thank you to my lovelies in my group chat. Listening to me bitch and moan about this fic for two weeks straight but cheering my on each and every day. Love you guys.
> 
>  [tumblr](http://softestziam.tumblr.com/)

It was late 2013, the height of Niall and the rest of the lads career. This Is Us was just released, the VMA’s came and went where they performed and won. Everything Niall ever dreamt about as a child was coming true. He was successful in many aspects of his life. He had more money than he could ever dream of. Bobby and Maura were taken care of with new homes and cars, Greg too, especially since Theo arrived. Niall looked after his own. Mullingar was looked after, that was his biggest priority. 

Now that they had a few weeks down time between the end of the tour and the start of a new promo season, Niall went directly back to London. Louis and Harry vowed to disappear for the next few weeks, going on some tropical vacation to unwind. Liam and Zayn were house hunting, very domestic. Not Niall, he enjoyed his own company the most during this time. He did get a nagging feeling in his gut from time to time about being alone. He was 20, still young, he wasn’t going to blame his friends for finding their soulmate at a young age. 

There was a call he wanted to make, someone he wanted to catch up with. He vowed to live the next weeks as a hermit but some company wasn’t going to kill him. Deo always showed up unannounced, why not get in contact with the rest of the LIC? If Niall was being honest with himself he just wanted to see Bressie. Their relationship was weird, complicated at best. Was it a big brother little brother thing or more? Sharing drunken kisses in the back of a cab from time to time. Completely harmless. Until they kissed once without being drunk. It was right before Niall left for the United States and he hadn’t heard from Bressie since. 

He opened up the LIC group chat and invited everyone to the local pub for a celebratory drink or two or ten. The replies came in quick, everyone agreeing, even Bressie. Niall could feel his heartbeat quicken, his palms getting sweaty over a single text. He showered and changed outfits a good four times before leaving his home and taking the Tube to the pub of choice. Some of the crew were already there, waving him over and showering him in hugs and congratulations over a successful summer and a belated birthday. 

He purposely took a seat that faced the entrance so he’d be the first person to see Bressie when he arrived. The anticipation was killing him, the strong pint in his hand not calming him down at all. His face felt like it was on fire, his ears red. The door swung open twenty minutes later and in walked Bressie. Tall and beautiful as always, the grey shirt he was wearing was hugging his newly chiseled chest. His dark colored jeans sitting on his hips just right, along with his black boots. Signature Bressie look. Not even a second later Bressie turned around and held the hand of some girl Niall didn’t recognize. She was just as tall as Bressie, with the help of heels. She was beautiful, Bressie wasn’t self absorbed but of course he’d be with someone just as beautiful as he was. 

Bressie greeted a few people as he weaved his way through the now crowded pub. He arrived at their table and time stopped. Things began to move in slow motion for Niall. He saw Bressie’s lips move but couldn’t make out what he was saying. All he heard was the word girlfriend and everything stopped completely. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his blood starting to boil in what could be described as anger. He had a girlfriend and didn’t bother to tell anyone, especially an overly confused Niall. 

“I gotta go,” Niall announced abruptly, as soon as Bressie and his girlfriend, Rozanna sat down across from him. 

“You okay Horan?” Laura asked, grabbing his hand in comfort. 

Niall nodded his head in assurance. “Jet-jet lag just caught up with me, you know?”

“You sure?” Bressie asked. “I haven’t bought you a pint yet, chief.”

“Rain check,” he told him. Niall looked at Bressie’s hand as it was interlocked with hers. His stomach felt empty but full at the same time. Hallow even. He could blame it on drinking on an empty stomach but he knew deep down that was a bold face lie. “I’m home for five weeks, we’ll catch up then.”

Niall usually took a cab or the Tube home after a night of drinking. Tonight he decided to walk home. After all he only had two pints and the weather was semi decent. He just needed to clear his head. Figure out why he had such a reaction to seeing Bressie with a girl. He was allowed to have a girlfriend, he was good looking, smart, and successful. Girls would be lining up around the block to be with a bloke like him. 

Twenty minutes later and nothing was solved in Niall’s mind, he was home. He greeted his doorman as he opened the door and tipped his cap to him in greeting. He checked his phone as he rode the lift to the top floor penthouse that he called home. He had missed calls from those who had shown up at the pub after he left. He shot them all quick apology texts. The one text he didn’t answer was Bressie’s. It was a simple text of a sad face emoji and a question mark. He didn’t know how to answer him. What lie or excuse would suffice in this situation. He just went on with his usual nightly routine. Turned on Sky Sports as background noise as he readied himself for bed. Half assed listened about that day's matches as he brushed his teeth and undressed. Totally not thinking about Bressie’s text begging to be answered. 

He even got into bed before looking at his phone again. How was he supposed to respond? Just say something that came off as a half truth, something one mate sent to another. Or was he to be honest? Admit that seeing Bressie with someone whether they were male or female made him sick to his stomach? That’s not something mates did, at least not in Niall’s circle of friends. Every time he’d kiss Bressie they’d pretend it never happened the next morning, until it did again a month or months later. They’d pull apart, both breathless and rosy cheeked and go home like it was something all friends did. No harm no foul. Niall would go back to being Niall Horan from One Direction and pretend that when he closed his eyes he didn’t feel Bressie’s breathe on his face, the tingling on his lips from when Bressie gently bit them when they kissed. The way his tongue would feel heavy, foreign, but welcomed in his mouth. The taste of whatever Bressie was drinking lingering for hours after they had already separated. He sighed and tried to suppress the empty feeling that kept growing in his stomach. Bressie was in a relationship, happy, so Niall had to be happy for him as well. It’s what all good friends did.

He tried to occupy his time while he was on his phone, anything to distract his mind from Bressie’s text. He played a few losing hands of solitaire, scrolled through a few emails, reminding himself that he was on holiday, work things could wait until later. He tried anything, desperate at this point. The gnawing feeling just wouldn’t dissipate. He was getting antsy, clearly he couldn’t just roll over and go to sleep now. His mind wouldn’t allow it and clearly something within side of him wouldn’t permit it as well. He had to reply, only to relieve his mind at this point, but he had to be casual, not give anything away. More than likely at this point Bressie was probably so far gone he didn’t even remember sending Niall a text and here Niall was, shitting bricks over it.

“Next pint on me.”

When he finally had the courage to respond Niall made sure it was short, sweet, and intentionally didn’t answer a single question Bressie more than likely had. It had to suffice for now because Niall was starting to finally feel knackered, jetlag actually catching up to him. Even though it was October he turned the air conditioner on, wanting to feel something other than empty. He placed his phone face down on the bedside table, getting comfy and cozy underneath his comforter, blocking everything else around him. Did Niall’s heart pick up a tick when he heard his phone vibrate against the wooden table less than two minutes after he placed it there? Of course it did, but that was something he’d never admit openly, luckily he lived home alone nowadays. He willed himself to sleep, demanding willpower from within himself to not check his phone and just go to sleep, pretend the last few hours never existed. Pretend he was still asleep on the plane his mates surrounding him as they all rested peacefully.

Many people had many preconceived notions about who Niall Horan truly was. A lot of the time they were wrong. He didn’t live as a recluse, which was impossible with his line of work anyway. Just because his bandmates were falsely or forcefully put into public relationships didn’t mean Niall was in one as well and it didn’t mean he was always the single one. He was young, he wanted to enjoy it as much as he could, he had to grow up faster than most kids his age, and he wanted to embrace his youth while he still had it. Rolling out of bed at half past noon on his first real day off was exactly what most twenty year olds did. He stood up and stretched, all his bones seeming to crack and pop at the same time, relieving the pressure. He proceeded with his morning routine as he normally did when he was home. Making himself coffee and watching Sky Sports before getting the energy to shower and officially wake himself up.

It was close to two in the afternoon before he finally looked at his phone. It felt liberating not being chained to it, checking every time it went off because it could’ve been the label calling or Paul telling him to hurry up. Now he could pretend his phone was nonexistent, be a regular lad who did regular lad things. He checked his missed texts from Mully and Eoghan, both calling him a fucker for leaving before they arrived. A simple heart emoji from Laura to let him know that she was probably his favorite person in the LIC. As the only girl she took on the mother role and did it well, making sure everyone was home safely or feeling okay whenever they inevitably got home sick. She knew things way before everyone else did, women’s intuition was the only reason Niall could think of at the moment. Maybe he should think on it some more because Bressie’s text was waiting to be read. Niall did just that, occupied his mind with other things. Cleaned up around the house, even though he had a maid service come every two weeks, even when he was gone for long stretches of time. He did laundry, washed sheets, acted like a proper adult. All so he wouldn’t have to look at his phone, he even contemplated calling up Deo and Willie maybe even Olly and see if they wanted to play a round or two of golf. 

“Okay.”

Niall balked at his phone as he read Bressie’s response. Really?!? That was all he had to say. The intelligent part of Niall’s brain knew he was overreacting for no apparent reason but the irrational part wanted to be overly dramatic and over the top. Bressie was busy having a night out with the crew and his girlfriend, he couldn’t have been bothered by a mediocre response Niall had sent him. A response that took him forever to even send, a simple text that gave him more anxiety than he was willing to admit. That’s how mates communicated, easily and without any fuss at all. The irrational part of Niall’s brain tried to keep reminding him that he and Bressie were more than friends. That was inaccurate. Sharing drunken kisses and the occasional late night conversations didn’t equal to anything more than what it was. Hell, Niall had kissed Louis and Zayn more times than he could count. Meant absolutely nothing. He shared his deepest secrets with Harry and Liam, meant nothing. Too bad none of the boys knew about his conflicted mind where Bressie was involved. 

So Niall occupied his time, his first real day off in over three years. He just sat on his couch and binged on whatever tv or movies he had to catch up on. Never leaving from his spot unless it was to eat, drink, or use the bathroom. For a moment he even contemplated going to Ireland for a few days to see his family, check up on his mum and day and maybe spoil Theo a little more but this time in person. It would definitely take his mind off of everything that was or actually wasn’t going on at the moment. He checked flights and times and tried to figure out how long he’d want to stay and who he’d stay with. He dropped his phone on the pillow next to him and shrugged, the planning could wait another day or two. He had five weeks to vegetate and figure traveling plans out. Right now he didn’t want to do anything, besides maybe catch up on his sleep. 

“Horan!”

Niall stirred from his stiff position on the couch. He must’ve finally fell asleep after his eyes threatened to close after being strained from watching tv all day. He heard his name being bellowed from the other side of the door again. He wiped the disgusting drool from his mouth as he groaned when he stood up. His whole body ached due to the uncomfortable position he was just in. The incessant knocking on the door began, a heavy beat being played on the wooden front door. He smiled knowing exactly who it was, Bressie. He internally was panicking, not only did he not expect anyone to show up unannounced, but it was the one person he didn’t expect to see. At least not anytime soon. He hobbled to the door, his foot tingling from being tucked awkwardly underneath him as he slept. 

“Horan!” Bressie greeted him loudly and warmly, arms opened wide as Niall threw open the door. He had a plastic bag hanging from his right wrist. 

“Christ Bress, what ya doing here?” He asked, accepting Bressie’s hug willingly. He swallowed the lump in his throat as soon as their bodies made contact. “Fucker, no one invited you.”

Bressie made his way into the home and scoffed. “Nobody invites me anywhere, chief. It’s me.”

“Decent explanation,” Niall laughed, following Bressie into the kitchen where he opened the plastic bag and pulled out a twelve pack of Guinness. “Housewarming gift?”

“You said you owed me a pint,” he reminded him, taking two cans out of the pack and placing them on the counter. He placed the ten remaining ones in the refrigerator. “But I brought the pints to you, mate.”

“Saving my lazy arse,” he nodded, escorting them out the kitchen and back into the living room where they both sat down on the couch. “Cheers.”

“Still jet lagged?” Bressie asked, his mouth around the can, eyebrows up and eyes focused laser like at Niall.

“Huh?”

“You said you were jet lagged last night and that’s why you left,” Bressie reminded him after finally taking a sip of his Guinness. 

Niall nodded as he swallowed. “Yea-yeah, I’m good now. Slept late and just ignored the world all day.”

“Good lad.”

The longer they spent time together the better Niall started to feel, shockingly. He was able to forget, at least for a moment, about the night before and how low and crummy he felt. He tried to remain focused, not get distracted by Bressie’s mouth when he spoke, how his face lit up when he talked about things he was interested in. Now things were easy, casual, catching each other up on life over the last few months. Things that weren’t discussed when they spoke to each other late at night, Niall on the tour bus, squished into his bunk, trying to stay as quiet as possible when he spoke. Or when he was laid out in his beautiful hotel suite, still speaking low, still keeping things between Bressie and himself a secret. It all felt familiar, like home.

“Gonna visit Maura and Bobby?” Bressie asked, sprawled out as much as possible on Niall’s couch. His long legs dangling off the edge, a new fresh pint can in his hand. “The little bugger your bro helped procreate?”

“Thinking about it,” he answered with a shrug. He was oddly transfixed on the way Bressie looked against his furniture, comfortable, like he belonged there all along. “Looked up flights this morning actually.”

“Let’s go,” Bressie suggested, his eyes wide with excitement and possibility. “I’ll get to see Enda and Mandy, it’ll be craic.”

“No,” he shook his head, even though a tiny voice inside of him was begging to be heard. He had to suppress it, it was just a small suggestion on Bressie’s part, nothing more and nothing less. Just a lad who wanted to see his mum and dad, same as Niall. “I’d assume you have things to do here, can’t be taking off nowadays. You got people out there worrying ‘bout ya.”

Bressie hung his head upside-down, his forehead scrunched up in confusion as if Niall just grew an extra head right in front of him or began speaking another language. “The ones who worry about me are me mum and dad, who are in Ireland.”

Niall laughed as he reached forward and flicked Bressie’s forehead, poking at the lines on his forehead. “What about the bird from last night? She won’t miss ya if you come parading around with me in Mullingar?”

“Roz?” He pursed his lips together, fixing his head so he was no longer dangling off the side of the couch, blood flow returning to his body. “She-we-it’s fine.”

“Okay,” Niall let out slowly, trying to not read too much into Bressie’s response, but his damn internal voice wanted to yell a million things. It was such an unopened answer. Why did he choose to answer so casually? Why did Niall have to overanalyze every single thing Bressie said? “So we’re going home I guess.”

“I’m coming home, I’m coming home, tell the world that I’m coming home,” Bressie sang, his voice loud and full of excitement. He swung his legs around so he was now sitting up fully, his pint can in his hand thrusted in the air. “It’ll be good to get away from London, you know? See the town that raised us into the men we are today.”

“Sure Bress, sounds good,” Niall hesitantly agreed.

He was more worried about being in Mullingar with Bressie for however long they’d be there. Maura and Mandy got along like a house on fire, there was inevitably going to be an awkward forced family dinner at least once. They were Mullingar’s pride and joy, or that’s how Bobby explained it to him last time they spoke, everyone was going demand to see them together at least once. That was the small beauty about Mullingar, everyone wanted to see him at least once, but ignored him and treated him like Bobby and Maura’s youngest the rest of the time. This time he was going home with Bressie, for the first day or so he would have to make the rounds with Bressie in tow, show everyone that they’re together. Obviously being with and around Bressie wasn’t an issue, but it was. He looked at him differently, had since their lips touched for the first time almost a year ago. Sneaking kisses in the hallway leading to the bathroom in some nameless pub in the heart of London. That’s when and where it all changed, at least for Niall it did and Bressie was never gonna know that. 

The rest of the evening was great, fun. They polished off the twelve pack of Guinness rather quickly. Six pints in Bressie was hungry so he rummaged through Niall’s nearly empty fridge, looking for something, anything to eat. He settled for what looked like bread and raspberry jam, making himself toast. Niall just had to laugh and sigh in content. Things were the same, he had to keep reminding himself of that. It was him and Bressie, no matter what happened or didn’t happen, they were a duo, a good team. Life was inevitably going to throw curve balls on their path but it was always up to them to go over or around them, deal with them head on. A trip back home seemed like a proper solution to their current hurdle. Bressie was oblivious to the current hurdle but Niall felt it enough in his bones and chest to know that they were currently at an impasse. The only way to fix it or change it was going away to a place that was buried deep in their bones. They could just be Niall and Bressie, two of Mullingar’s finest boys. 

The time leading up to actually leave and head to Ireland were the most stressful for Niall. After Bressie left the next morning he hadn’t heard from him. Not a simple peep, no text, call, or random appearance at his home. For a moment there Niall thought he made the whole night up, all their plans to get away for a while, return home to see family and whoever else they may run into. It wasn’t until almost a week later and Deo had text him about plans that night for Bressie’s birthday, a celebration before they jetted back home for however long they’d be gone. So Niall wasn’t making it up, the plans actually happened and were told to other people who could now verify that Niall wasn’t losing his mind. Now he had to worry about Bressie’s birthday, he’d been so preoccupied with the upcoming trip and finally being home that the date had slipped his mind. Of course the LIC were going to get together and go out and celebrate Bressie, it’s what they did whenever they were around for anyone’s birthday. They were the ones to take Niall out for his first legal drink when he turned 18, it was tradition.

“Look who finally fucking made it!” Willie bellowed as he spotted Niall walking into the pub later that night. Almost the entire crew was crammed around a tiny table placed all the way in the back, empty pints already littering the table, stale bowl of peanuts and god knows whatever else was sitting untouched in the middle of the table.

“The stupid Tube took forever,” Niall complained, shaking off his wool pea coat and throwing it over the chair Laura was sitting on. “Where’s the birthday boy? Missing his party.”

“He’s picking up Roz,” Deo said overdramatically, batting his eyes for effect. “She wasn’t ready yet.”

“A bird getting all dolled up for us?” Eoghan laughed. “Look at Whitmore here, she’s a lad just like the rest of us.”

Laura quietly sipped her beer and effortlessly flipped the entire table off which started a chain reaction of laughter. Niall laughed along with everyone as he squeezed into an empty seat in the booth next to Mully. The conversation continued on around him as he remained frozen, accepting a drink that was passed to him by someone. How could he forget about Rozanna? Well, it was easy when she was hardly ever mentioned, especially by her own boyfriend. Now he had to face her again, sit beside her while she more than likely had her arm around Bressie, touched Bressie, kissed Bressie. Things Niall use to do, things Niall still wanted to do if he was being completely honest. He had to be strong and endure it though, at least for his own sanity. It wasn’t fair to everyone around him if he was open with his discomfort of Bressie and his girlfriend. What kind of friend was he if he openly and outwardly disliked his best mate’s girlfriend, despite all the things that kept mulling about in his own head? 

“Is she wearing a dress and heels?” Laura turned to Niall and asked as the couple walked into the pub. “To pub night? Who is this bird?”

“When you’re crowned the prettiest bird in all of Ireland, it goes to your head,” Mully guessed with a shrug. “Heels come with the job too I guess.”

“I’m not the prettiest lass in Ireland?” Laura gasped in shock. “That’s some shite.”

“You’re the prettiest lass at this shithole,” Niall told her, “even with Ms. Ireland coming this way.”

Laura pouted and batted her eyelashes. “You sure know how to make a girl feel good ‘round here Horan.”

“You trying to pick up Whitmore, Niall?” Bressie asked. “I’ve seen ya go home with better.”

Niall swallowed the lump in this throat at Bressie’s words. Laura rolled her eyes at the obvious dig at her, crossing her arms over her chest like a petulant child, faux hurt. As Rozanna shrugged off her coat and said hello to those around them, Bressie kept poking at Laura’s face trying to get her to crack, which was hard. Enduring nights out with a bunch of men as often as she did, Laura Whitmore was a tough nut to crack. She did crack eventually, when Bressie tried to stick his finger up her nose. She squirmed in her seat and yelped, batting his hand away instantly. Satisfied, Bressie took off his leather jacket, placing it behind his seat and sat down, draping his arm across Rozanna’s seat nonchalantly. It was totally casually and something no one else would have noticed, but Niall. His eyes were locked on their every move, kind of stalker like if he was being honest. 

“No birthday wishes?” Bressie asked, eyebrows raised, pout on his lips. “Shotty friend Horan.”

“Happy birthday you big lump,” Niall told him, smiling as Bressie’s pout turned into a wide smile. He sat back in his chair happily, content with Niall’s well wishes. 

“I’m so excited to go home,” Bressie told him, grabbing a pint off the tray as the waitress passed. “Mum is already talking to Maura, making plans.”

“You’re going to Ireland with Bressie?” Roz asked, looking directly at Niall, eyes laser focused at him. “Babe, you didn’t tell me Niall was going too.”

Mully let out a low whistle, shaking his head. “Dead man walking.”

“Fuck off Mull,” Laura spat at him, slapping his thigh underneath the table, her hand brushing against Niall as she smacked him. 

“Of course Nialler’s coming with,” Bressie told her, his face looking a little confused that Roz didn’t automatically realize that. “Can’t have a trip to Mullingar without its biggest sensation.”

Niall rolled his eyes, Bressie always had a tendency of bringing up his success when they spoke about their hometown. How Niall Horan was like a sacred entity in Westmeath County, how a mere mention of his name made grown women faint and men beg their sons to grow up like him. It was great to hear in moments when Niall’s nerves and doubts got the best of him, it wasn’t so great when he did it to just get arise out of him. Especially when Roz kept squinting her eyes in Niall’s direction, being what some would call judgmental or at least trying to figure out if she should be judgmental. Niall knew he gave her no reason to not like him other than being close friends with her boyfriend, which everyone sitting around the table was. So why weren’t they getting death glares and judgmental looks?

He tried to shake the sneaking suspicion that something was going on inside Rozanna’s head all night, he couldn’t spend all night trying to figure out why a complete stranger was unhappy with him. Every time he caught himself staring at her Willie would kindly kick him under the table, too bad Willie thought he was probably staring at her for other reasons. He’d laugh at Willie’s small shake of his head at the faux disappointment he showed. Other than those few hiccups the night was great. Retelling stories they all have told and heard a thousand of times, how they met Bressie or their favorite Bressie moment. Niall always had to make up a story for that. He couldn’t talk about his absolute favorite moment with Bressie.

It was the previous winter, Niall and the rest of the boys were given Christmas and New Year’s off so he took the first flight back to London to lay low and celebrate. On Christmas Eve all of the LIC packed into a crowded pub to lament another year where no one could be home for the holiday. They were each other’s family anyway, they’d rely on each other. It was officially Christmas morning, a little after midnight, when Niall got up to use the bathroom. As he finished up and washed his hands Bressie walked into the room, locking the door behind himself. For a fleeting moment it was silent in the room and what felt like outside of it too. Bressie took one step forward and pushed Niall up against the nearest wall. His mouth was on his in a blink of an eye, not even going in slowly, cautiously. It all took Niall by surprise. Bressie said nothing as he pulled away, just looked down at Niall for a sign of acceptance and confirmation, which he gave right away. That was Niall’s favorite moment with Bressie, the day everything changed.

It seemed in Niall’s mind every memory he shared with Bressie was something that couldn’t publicly be shared. Their friendship was clearly more than stolen kisses and sneaking touches in an alleyway or dingy pub bathrooms. They were friends, true genuine friends. After the boys, Bressie was Niall’s favorite person to talk to and be around, to learn from. Listen to him go on and on about the most random and mundane things but make them sound extraordinary because he was passionate about them. Talking for what seemed like hours about every little facet of a guitar because seeing his face light up with joy was something Niall wished he could bottle up and take with him on the road and open up when he got homesick. He had someone to talk about home with, the people, places, and things that made Mullingar what it was. The boys would be polite and listen closely and nod their head in the correct places, but that all went away when he spoke to Bressie. You couldn’t find friends like that nowadays, especially when you were Niall Horan, a name and face that got recognized everywhere now it seemed. 

A week later Niall was huffing as he tried to run down the corridors at Heathrow airport. He was rummaging through his backpack looking for his ticket, boarding pass, and passport. It all seemed overwhelming when he didn’t have Paul around to help him and keep him in line and focused. He’d flown without Paul’s help many times before but for some reason today it felt like the first time. The nerves of going home were seeping into his bones, feeling a tingling feeling down his spine. The cab ride to the airport made his feel sick, London traffic was always horrendous no matter what time of day. He was panicking the night before over what to pack and what his parents would have back at their homes. He didn’t need much, whatever he did forget he could just buy. Looking over his guitars he was trying to decide which one to take and trying to remember if he had any at his dad’s place. He wasn’t going to a far away land, he was literally flying for an hour and then another hour drive to Mullingar. It was just that he was doing this all with Bressie. An hour car ride, just the two of them. 

“Christ, Nialler what the hell did you pack?” Bressie asked in amazement as he saw Niall dragging his things and himself to the waiting area. 

Niall huffed and rolled his eyes as he threw his backpack on the chair. “I’ve grown accustomed to someone helping me travel.”

“Thank god you’ve got me,” Bressie told him honestly, throwing his head back to keep a watchful eye on Niall’s every move. “Knock you back on your arse.”

“Thank god for you Bressie,” he replied sarcastically. 

“Glad someone else appreciates me as much as I appreciate myself,” Bressie smiled wide, teeth showing and cheeks rosy with a slight blush. 

Niall shook his head and flicked Bressie’s forehead which quickly made him sit up straight and sulk. “I’m nervous.”

“To fly?” He asked as Niall walked around the row of seats and sat next to him. “Ni, you fly for a living. Besides it’s a short hour flight. If you’re that nervous we could always drive home.”

“Not the flying,” Niall clarified with a sigh. “Going home. Last time I spent more than twenty four hours in Mullingar was for Greg’s wedding, now he’s got a kid and things change quickly while I’m away.”

Bressie rearranged himself so he was fully facing a sunken looking Niall. His face gave away his emotions easily, he didn’t have the best poker face. One look at Niall and most people could tell what was bothering him or that something was bothering him. “Do you not want to go?”

“No!” His head shot up as he shook it. “No, I want to go. I need to go, get away from the madness for a while but my anxiety is kicking in I guess.”

“You know what I do when I’m anxious?” He asked him, which received a shake of Niall’s head. “Breathe. It’s sounds dodgy and overused and done but it works, at least for me. You know I get real bad anxiety, especially when things are stressful and beyond my control.”

Niall let out a deep breath, once, twice, three times. He could feel his heartbeat return to normal and the color in his cheeks appear. “Thank Bress.”

“It’s Doctor Bressie, actually,” he joked, his smile wide.

The flight was fine, short. Niall was use to the looks he received everywhere he went so he wasn’t bothered when some people on the plane just looked at him and whispered to their friends or family. As long as they weren’t rude or seemed dangerous in anyway, Niall was fine with an autograph or two and a few pictures. Bressie posed for a few pictures as well, some solo and more than a few along with Niall. It was a strange but fun way to pass along the time, even if he was only a short hour flight. It took longer to get their luggage and go through customs and security then the time they were up in the air. After what felt like forever, Bressie was in the driver’s seat of a rented car, Niall next to him and their luggage in the boot. They were officially off to Mullingar. They had an hour ahead of them, without traffic, to drive along the countryside and get themselves acclimated with a place they both once called home. The car stereo was blaring the radio station they use to listen to as kids, a station that now played both their music. The windows were rolled down, the wind blowing as they whizzed by old sites and neighborhoods. They both had visited Mullingar over the years, but this time it felt different, felt like the first time. 

Being home was weird, not good, not bad, but weird. Stepping foot into his mum’s home and seeing his entire family was a little overwhelming. Bressie had dropped him off before heading to his parent’s house with the promise of seeing him later for the mandatory dinner his mum and Maura were throwing. Niall stepped into Maura’s home and saw his dad, brother, sister in law, nephew, and a few aunts and uncles. He wasn’t surprised by the mock welcome home get together, just didn’t realize it would happen the moment he arrived. He hadn’t even had a chance to drop his things off or go to the bathroom. Niall could feel the tingling feeling creep up his spine again, the churning in his stomach, his heartbeat picking up. Another moment of anxiety. Bressie’s words kept replaying in his head, breathe, in and out, in and out. He was pulled into a hug and passed off onto another family member so fast he didn’t even realize what was happening to him. It was a blur of faces and people and greetings, he knew these people but everything was just kind of blending together to make heads or tails of anything. He couldn’t run away, that’ll look rude, disrespectful. He politely excused himself, leaving his things in the foyer and making his way to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

“Help.” 

He leaned up against the closed bathroom door, still practicing the breathing exercises Bressie had told him about earlier. He was still panicking but not showing any physical signs of it. He sent Bressie a text, hoping he’d get a response to distract his mind from what was behind the closed door. He knew everyone was excited to see him, he could understand that, but to all bombard him at once was a little intimidating. Some aunts and uncles that were there he hadn’t seen since Greg’s wedding, almost two years ago. He knew waiting on a text from Bressie was pointless, he was going to be too distracted to be glued to his phone to answer Niall. It was not lost on Niall that in a moment of heightened emotions he was quick to contact Bressie when he has a plethora of people who would be more than willing to help calm him down, ease his worries and anxiety. Lately it seemed that every time something came up, good or bad, he was quick to turn to Bressie. Even while he was on tour surrounded by more people than he could even count, he looked for Bressie either by phone or Skype for a way to escape. Niall took more one deep breath to ease himself before throwing himself back to the wolves, hopefully they’d all calm down by now. 

“You okay?” Bressie asked later that night.

Family dinner ran smooth. Luckily it was just Bressie’s parents and his mum, the circus ended an hour or so after Niall stepped foot in the door. All the allure of Niall Horan being home seemed to wear off rather quickly. Theo was acting up so Greg and Denise left, which triggered everyone else to leave. He was going to go golfing with his dad the next morning so they parted ways with the promise of seeing each other the next day. Bressie’s parents were still a delight, his mum with her Scottish accent that Niall always had to copy, making her blush. It was good to have a family dinner, especially a quiet one. His mum and Bressie’s parents retired to the backyard after dinner and Niall went to his room, Bressie in tow.

“Yeah,” he replied, grabbing his guitar as he lounged on his bed. Bressie sat across from him at his old computer chair, spinning around as they spoke. He crossed his right leg over his knee and rested his guitar on his, lazily strumming random chords. “Glad to have some peace and quiet right now.”

“Surreal, isn’t it?” Bressie asked, still spinning in the chair. “Being in your bedroom, even though it’s not your bedroom but it is cause you paid for it but you live in London now.”

Niall shook his head and just continued to strum the guitar, making little sense of the notes he was playing, just playing to have some noise he supposed. “Can’t believe me mum is letting me have someone in me room with the door closed.”

“It’s just me mate, sorry,” Bressie chuckled, shoulders shaking.

“Yeah,” he replied. Niall just leaned up against his headboard, guitar still in hand as he watched Bressie. He was just slowly spinning around in circles on the chair, plucking and grabbing whatever was around him. The room was bare, hardly lived in at all. It had a computer desk and chair, but no computer. A dresser and bed, and little odds and ends to make the room feel homey. “Can I ask you a question?”

Bressie nodded his head as he once again spun around.

“Do you love Roz?” He blurted out, hands going still on the fret.

“Umm,” he stalled, his feet finally touching the floor and pausing himself. “W-why do you ask?”

“You never mentioned her to me but you’ve been together since March and then you don’t tell her we’re going to Mullingar together,” Niall explained, trying to keep his face the same, not giving away how confused he was by Bressie and Roz and their relationship. “Why are you hiding her from me and hiding me from her?”

“Ni-“

“It’s just bizarre is all,” he shrugged, acting like it all was a coincidence and didn’t throw up red flags in his mind. He didn’t want to bring this up, especially seeing they had a whole week left together, but it had been bothering Niall since Bressie’s birthday. “I just thought we were best mates and to hide your girlfriend from me is a tad dodgy, Bress.” 

“You’ve been busy,” Bressie guessed, squirming slightly in his seat ether due to the swivel of the chair or he was dodging the true answer. “‘Sides we don’t really talk about my love life, you know? That’s not the kind of mates we are.”

Niall wanted to say so much with his reply. He wanted Bressie to elaborate on what type of friends they were. They didn’t talk about each other’s love lives but they were apart of each other’s love lives. You don’t share kisses and inmate touches and not mean something to each other. Drunk or sober, they both knew what they were doing each and every time. It was more than a coincidence to Niall that Bressie omitted Rozanna from every conversation they had since March. There had to be a reason but at this point in time Niall wasn’t going to dig any further. He finally replied with a sharp nod of his head and going back to lazily strumming the guitar as Bressie resumed his spinning. 

Golfing with Bobby the next morning was good, fine, great even. He had invited some uncles and one or two of his coworkers. Whether to show off his successful son or just wanting more people to play with, Niall wasn’t going to ask. His father’s subtle hints about how he should visit more often weren’t lost on him either. He knew his family understood his hectic schedule and how when he did have down time he just wanted to hibernate and disappear for weeks at a time. This time was rare, being off for a long period of time and he didn’t want to go anything or go anywhere, just wanted to stay at home and rest and relax. Going back to Ireland was a spur of the moment idea that he had with Bressie. Niall never wanted to purposely ignore his family, never would abandon them or not see them when he had a chance to. It was just hard to explain to them that sometimes he just wanted to be alone. For close to twenty hours a day he was constantly surrounded by people, sometimes he just needed to be alone, let that sink in his bones before being thrusted back into the madness that was his job. 

Seeing old friends from primary school was a weird experience. A lot of them were in uni or just working about town trying to make ends meet. A lot of them still lived at home because life was just too expensive to do it on their own. The juxtaposition between his life and theirs was jarring, but Niall understood it. He was beyond blessed in more ways than one and a lot of people around, especially people in Mullingar, weren’t. He didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable when they grabbed a bite to eat and he paid for anyone, just saw it as a friendly gesture is all. It really hadn’t dawned on him in the last two years or so how things had changed between him and the people he had left behind. It wasn’t necessarily a bad different, just a different reality that he had to grow accustom to.

“Pints on me.”

A day before they were set to head back to London, Bressie had texted Niall. They hadn’t spent much time together over the last week, just on the day of their arrival. Texts were occasionally exchanged, just asking how the other one was doing, giving updates on stores that they had passed that were once opened and now closed. How everything had changed in such a short period of time. It felt good to reemerge himself in his old life, feel like a kid again, even just for a week. Get spoiled by his family and just be Niall Horan, the kid before he stepped foot on an X Factor stage. It was going to be fine having a pint or two with Bressie, even though they were going to be together the next day to leave. In an odd way Niall missed him. He was so close but so far all week, mere blocks away at his parents’ home when Niall stayed with Bobby. Hearing the old ladies gossip at the local Tesco when he went shopping with his mum, talking about how Bressie had returned home without a wife or child attached to him. They loved to gossip and clearly talk about of their arse.

“This week was successful,” Bressie noticed as he stretched out on his side of the booth they sat at. His long arms looked like they took up the entirety of the booth, his legs too long to properly fit under the table. “Saw me mum and dad, slept in me old bed, ate me gran’s food. Absolutely craic of a week.”

Niall nodded his head in agreement. “It had its moments of greatness.”

“Aww Ni,” he cooed jokingly, reaching over and messing up Niall’s hair. “Did you not have fun?”

“It was fine,” he amended his statement, swatting Bressie’s hand away. “Just a lot of people at once to see. They think I’m never coming back or that London is a foreign mystical land that’s hard to find on a map or by plane.”

“You’re living that glamorous boyband life my friend,” Bressie reminded him, picking up his glass and taking a sip, raising his eyebrows to extenuate his point. 

“And what a life it is,” Niall laughed. “The most lonely experience one could have. Surrounded by tons of people but feeling completely alone.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking, mate,” Bressie suggested. “You sure you’re okay, bud?”

“I’m good Bress,” he snorted. “I’m young, you know? Don’t need to be tied down just yet.”

“Live life,” he agreed, raising his glass as a toast. “To being young and living life.”

“Living life,” Niall cheered, clinking their glasses together.

Spending their last night in Mullingar together drinking at a local pub was exactly what Niall needed. A way to wind down after an exhausting but fulfilling week. Time to recount and retell stories of their families, who they saw and what they did. Just mates being mates, imagining that this would be their life if it was led normally. Niall being in the local uni for sociology and Bressie just finishing his doctorate in psychology. Music being the thing to bring them together, like now. Bressie’s band looking for a guitarist and Niall would jump at the first opportunity to audition. Bonding over chord progressions and Les Paul’s, a whirlwind friendship forming. Part of Niall wonders if they’d be more than friends in this alternative life they were discussing over drinks and shots. Would this alternative universe Bressie be more open and honest? Would alternative Niall just stand by and watch his life pass him by? See the person who cares about be with someone else?

“Using the loo,” Niall announced, sliding out of the booth.

Niall walked out of the bathroom a minute later, checking the time on his phone. He was oblivious of his surroundings until he walked into something, or someone in this case. He placed his phone in his back pocket as Bressie’s laugh echoed in his ears. He looked up at him, Bressie grinning down at him like the drunken fool he was. Niall could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up as Bressie’s eyes narrowed as he gently pushed him up against the wall in the dark hallway. His mind was screaming at him to stop and push Bressie way but the irrational side of his mind was begging for this, had been since he last kissed him. Standing up on his tiptoes to reach him, arms around his neck as Bressie kissed down his neck, pushing the collar of his shirt aside to lay wet open mouthed kisses along his collarbone. Moans and sighs leaving his mouth easily. Bressie captured his mouth once again, his hands traveling to his hips, to the sliver of skin that was showing when Niall raised his arms. They both could feel the goosebumps popping up, the cold air running up and down his spine. 

“Bress,” Niall moaned, maneuvering his mouth away from Bressie’s. “Bressie, st-stop. We gotta stop.”

Bressie moved back a step and looked down at Niall’s face. His cheeks were red, his mouth glossy and lips puffy. He looked like he got properly kissed. Bressie was mildly impressed with himself. Both their chests were heaving, finally able to catch their breath properly. “Why?”

Niall sighed as he ran a hand threw his hair trying to fix it or make it look semi decent. “You have a girlfriend. Fuck! I can’t believe we just did this. Again!”

“Ni-.” Bressie tried to grab onto Niall’s arm as he shoved him away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he boldly said, walking away and leaving Bressie alone in the hallway.

He walked the few blocks back to his mum’s house stewing in own thoughts. How did he let this happen again? Why did he let this happen again? He could blame it on the alcohol or the setting he was in, but Niall knew none of that was true. He also knew he needed to talk to Bressie, have a real conversation. A conversation where questions were asked and answered truthfully. No more skirting around the topic or pretending it doesn’t exist. He got back to the house and went directly to bed, his bags already packed and by the door. He was going to be stuck in a car with Bressie for an hour the next morning and then a plane for the same amount of time. It was either going to be the most enlightening conversation of his life or the most awkward car ride in his life. He just wished he could sleep, even though he could feel the exhaustion in his bones. His mind wouldn’t shut off, too amped up about the possibility of the next day. 

“Ready to go?” 

Niall looked up at Bressie the next morning and nodded his head. He said goodbye to his family, promising to call his mum more often, despite whatever time zone he was in. It was all a little bittersweet. “More than ready.”

“Niall,” he began with a sigh as he drove down the familiar streets again. “I’m sorry about last night. I-I don’t mean to put you in this situation.”

“It’s fine,” Niall waved his apology off. He began to play with a loose string on his jeans, purposely not looking at Bressie. Finding a way to distract his mind. “It didn’t mean anything anyway.”

Bressie blinked a few times, Niall’s words feeling like a smack in the face. It stung. “It didn’t?”

Niall looked over at Bressie as they were stopped at a red light. He sighed and shook his head solemnly. “Of course it did.”

The car remained silent as the light changed and Bressie began to drive again. The tension was thick in the air, palpable. No one wanted to say anything but they kept opening their mouth like they were going to. Neither of them wanted to break the silence, be the first to speak. Niall would look at Bressie out of the corner of his eye and audibly sigh, making sure Bressie knew what he was feeling. Bressie kept looking straight forward, driving. He would try and catch a glimpse of Niall from time to time but seeing him look defeated and open and raw, it hurt. He was partially the reason for that and it hurt him. He just didn’t know what to say and how to say it.

“It means something to me too,” Bressie finally broke the silence when they reached the airport. He threw his bag over his shoulder and proceeded to walk, leaving Niall a foot or two behind him. “Just wanted you to know that, just in case you never talk to me again.”

Niall stood dead in his tracks, shocked. Not at what Bressie said per say, more so as to when and where he said it. He chose a busy corridor in a busy airport to just speak so casually. It would take some time before Bressie’s words would fully sink in. Niall was sitting on the plane, halfway through the flight when the lightbulb finally went off. Not only did Bressie openly admit he cared about Niall as a friend but cared enough about him that he was concerned that he’d lose him as a friend over all this. Did that cross Niall’s mind once or twice before? End his friendship with Bressie for the sake of his own health and sanity. Despite everything else that was going on with them at the moment, Niall couldn’t imagine his life without Bressie in it, even if they were just friends.

“Can we talk?” Niall asked as they departed the plane. “N-not now, but when you’re free.”

“Yeah,” Bressie agreed. “I’ll call you to set something up.”

Niall was a nervous wreck as soon as he got back home. He was constantly anticipating Bressie’s phone call or text. He practiced what he was going to say hundreds of times in his head. How he was going to be assertive, direct, and honest. Lay his heart out, be vulnerable. After two days passed and Niall heard nothing he was getting antsy. He needed to do something to preoccupy his mind. He went shopping for food and clothes. Did laundry, cleaned his home. He was leaving for god knows how long in two weeks, time was limited. Every time his phone did go off his heart picked up before his stomach churned when it usually was a text from Deo or Mully. Laura stopped by a few days later just asking for a report on Ireland. For a brief moment Niall wanted to tell Laura everything. Wanted to get everything that was weighing heavy on his mind out in the open.

It was a day before he was leaving to go back to New York and reunite with the rest of the boys and he had heard absolutely nothing from Bressie. Not a single peep, it was like he fell off the face of the earth. He had texted Deo and Mully, Laura and Eoghan. No one had heard from Bressie, it was like he was ignoring everyone. Niall didn’t know whether to be concerned or not. He didn’t have much time to dwell on it because he had to catch a flight and resume his life. He couldn’t wait around forever. Niall was more than tempted at least once to call Enda or Mandy and inquire about their son’s whereabouts. He also didn’t want to worry them with a false claim. It was just odd that Bressie wouldn’t answer a single person in their group of friends. No one had heard from him or had seen him, his social media wasn’t touched either.

“Oi, Nialler!”

Being back around the boys did perk Niall up a little, it distracted his overly cluttered mind. Getting back to work and focusing on the future was exactly what he needed at the moment. Bressie who? It hurt him to think that way but he couldn’t sit around, literally or figuratively, and wait around for someone to continually let him down. He just had to realize that maybe Bressie got scared or just wasn’t ready. It did leave him with more questions than answers but it wasn’t the first time he was let down by his friend, sadly. He could sit back and laugh and enjoy his friends again as they wrestled on the floor or bickered over the most mundane of things.

“You okay babe?” Zayn asked, sliding into the open seat next to him. Harry, Louis, and Liam were play fighting with empty paper towel tubes, occupying their time on the opposite side of the room. “You look glum chum.”

“I’m alright,” Niall replied, keeping his head straight and looking at the mock wrestling match in front of him. He knew if anyone could read him and his emotions like a book it was Zayn Malik. 

Zayn eyed Niall cautiously, humming to himself as he did. He could see how tense his friend way, it was evident in the way he sat, the way he wouldn’t even look at him. “You can talk to me Ni, you know that, yeah?”

Niall finally looked at Zayn and nodded his head enthusiastically. “Yeah Zayn, I know. Just have a clogged mind is all. Nothing a few days won’t fix. Promise.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, still eyeing him carefully. 

Halfway through the first day back at work Niall decided it was exactly what he needed. He didn’t need to just sit around and mull, worry about a stupid boy and a stupid crush. Who got crushes at twenty years old anyway? Certainly not him. The further he was away from the situation, figuratively and literally, the better. Being in the studio and having his entire day scheduled for him was something he oddly welcomed at this point in time. Two months ago Niall would’ve told you how much he despised it, how he craved some leniency and normalcy. Not now. Now he wanted everything spelled out for him, minute by minute, hour by hour. Even when he could go to bathroom was scheduled for him. It was perfect. Being back around the lads eased his mind. He didn’t have too think too much around them, they read each other like books. One look and Niall could tell you exactly how one of the guys felt and more than likely why. He just hoped no one picked up on what he was feeling and why. 

There were two sayings Niall heard often in his life and never truly understood them: absence makes the heart grow fonder and out of sight, out of mind. They were two conflicting sayings but Niall felt them both simultaneously. He was yearning for Bressie, for the friendship and whatever else that encompassed and also didn’t miss him at all. He was purposely making himself overworked and overtired so his mind didn’t have to think about him. He still kept in touch with Laura and Mully, sending emails and texts, normal things. According to them Bressie had resurfaced a day after Niall went back to New York, claiming he had gotten sick and was bedridden from the moment they returned to Ireland. It was all just too convenient for Niall to truly believe. The rest of the crew believed it because it was easier to just go along with the story then try and dig up the truth. Niall felt as it was Bressie’s way of just ignoring him and hiding from the talk he suggested. For an adult he was sure acting like a child.

Two weeks of recording in New York they moved up north to Boston for the next round of recording sessions. Niall like Boston, it always felt homey to him. The Irish population was large in Boston so a part of him always felt connected to a city he probably only visited a dozen times in his life. He was in New York and Los Angeles almost once a month but he treasured the rare occasions he made the trip to Boston. It was cold in the harsh November air, especially off the water. They had a night off, finally, and Niall was just taking in the area around him, being a tourist. Everyone else was staying in the hotel, laying low. Niall couldn’t, he felt too much electricity running through his veins to be still. His mind was wandering and forbidding to turn off now that he actually had a chance to stop and think for more than thirty seconds. All the what if’s were sinking in and twisting themselves in his mind and heart, feeling like a punch to the gut. What if he and Bressie actually had that talk like he promised? What if he and Bressie never kissed back in Mullingar? What if Bressie never kissed him at all? It was game that he never was going to win, he was just going to keep going around in circles until he drove himself mental.

His mind was finally clear by midnight. He was tired from roaming the streets so he made his way back the hotel. He checked in with Paul to let him know he was safe and sound, he listened to Paul lecture him for a minute on how unsafe it is to not take security with you every time you went somewhere and blah, blah, blah. He loved the man, but he didn’t need a lecture, he needed sleep. He hung up the phone and just sat down on his bed, too much moving around in one day hurt his knee. He didn’t want to hobble around but the pain was excruciating, throbbing pain shooting up and down his leg. It was mind over matter at this point because he had no other choice than to live with the pain until his eventual surgery, whenever that was. With a hiss he stood up and changed into loose joggers and a shirt, the exhaustion in his mind overtaking anything else. Niall was more than willing to give into those feelings.

“Ni.”

Niall sat up in his bed at the sound of the knocking door and his name being faintly called. He looked around to make sure he was where he was supposed to be and possibly not dreaming. Everything looked correct.

“Niall.”

“Shit,” he cursed at the realization of who it was. He hopped out of bed as quickly as he could and ran towards the door, throwing it open. “Christ Bressie, what are you doing here?”

Bressie scrubbed at his face, a face that clearly hadn’t seen a razor in about a week’s time. He walked into the room and turned to face Niall as he closed the door. “I just flew here, you know? Called Deo who told me you were in Boston and doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the hotel and Basil was downstairs and told me what room.”

“I’m telling Paul to fire him in the morning,” Niall joked. His mind was spinning, he was sleeping not even five minutes ago and now Bressie was standing in front of him in the middle of his hotel room in Boston, Massachusetts of all places. “I-I can’t believe you just flew eight hours, you’re crazy. Why?”

“Why?” Bressie scoffed, moving further into the room to sit in the lounge chair across from the bed. “I told you we’d talk, remember?”

“That was almost a month ago Bress, fuck!” Niall huffed, following Bressie’s lead and taking a seat on his bed. “You can’t do this, not now.”

“It’s balls o’clock in the morning, where do you expect me to go?” He asked, arms thrown up in the air.

Niall stopped to take Bressie in. All he walked in the room with was what he was wearing and probably whatever was in his pockets. That fact alone almost took Niall’s breath away. He flew across an entire ocean to see and talk to him. Why was he so dense sometimes and other times be the one person to make Niall’s day better than it could ever be? “We-we can’t talk now. I’m not ready, I don’t have anything prepared.”

“Prepared?” Bressie repeated, forehead scrunched up in confusion as he stood up and made his way to sit next to Niall. “Why do you have to prepare to talk to me?”

“Because,” he began with a sigh, “I have so many things I want to say and I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a knob.”

“It’s me,” he laughed, patting Niall’s knee. “You can never sound like a knob to me, Niall.”

Niall stayed frozen in his spot. It was too early in the morning to form coherent thoughts and emotions about the whole situation. He was still trying to wrap me mind around the fact that Bressie flew all the way to Boston to talk to him. He was finally okay with them being strangers to each other again, or he was trying to get use to the idea. Now Bressie was here wanting to talk, sitting next to him, touching him like they do. Like the air around them wasn’t thick from words unspoken and the hope and possibility or whatever was to come. He just needed to be honest and truthful and lay his heart out in the open and speak his truth, his pure emotions. 

“Why did you disappear?” Niall finally asked. “You wanted to talk and then you disappear. Why?”

“I had things to take care of,” Bressie responded. 

“Things to take care of,” he repeated with a snort. “And these things you had to take care of included ignoring everyone. That’s bull, Bress.”

“I broke up with Rozanna,” he announced nonchalantly. “That’s what I had to take care of.”

Niall sat still, blinking. Making sure he was still alive because his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. The last time he remembered having this feeling was the first live show at X Factor, giving him a legit reason to feel that alive, that panicked. 

“Niall,” Bressie called to him gently. “Please say something.”

“Why?” He simply asked. “Why did you break up with her?”

“I-I thought that’s what you wanted,” he replied, lying back on his hands, looking up and over at Niall. 

Niall scrubbed at his face, hard. The callouses on his fingers and palms giving him the sharp pain he needed to snap him back into reality. “You thought I wanted that? God, Bress how can you be so dense?”

“You don’t want to be with me?” He asked softly, sounding defeated. “This whole time I was reading this wrong? You just wanted something casual while I sneak behind my girlfriend's back? That’s not me Ni, you know that. Or I thought you did.”

“I want to be with you,” Niall cried. “Since the moment you came to my door with your guitar cause me dad told you to keep an eye out for me. That’s how long!”

“Then why are you acting like this?” Bressie asked, sitting up and running his hands through his hair. He let out a hot breath of frustration. Did he expect Niall to open his hotel door and leap into his arms? Never. But he never could’ve imagined this reaction. 

“You can’t fly halfway across the across the world and just think I wouldn’t be overwhelmed,” he whispered. “I want this so bad Bress, but you can’t run and hide when things are shaky. I admire that you broke up with Roz for me, for us, but you ran away from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What I feel for you, what I want us to be, can’t work if I’m all in and you’re not sure,” Niall confessed. “I never half ass anything and I’d be shit sure if I did anything half assed with you.”

Bressie stood up, he needed to pace around a little, digest what Niall just said. It weighed heavy in the air. Niall finally laid his heart out in the open, no holds barred, open and vulnerable. It scared Bressie, you could tell just by his body language. He’d pace around the room, looking at Niall but turning his head once their eyes would meet. “I’m all in.”

Niall’s eyes lit up at the words hesitantly falling out of Bressie’s mouth. “Y-yeah? No shitting me?”

“No shitting you babe,” he told him, stopping his pacing. Bressie smiles wide as the last word fell out of his mouth. It felt good, felt natural. 

“You can’t run anymore,” Niall told him, standing up and bridging the gap between them. “When things go to shit, you can’t run. I’m here, I’m always here. Physically or emotionally I’m always here.”

Bressie nodded, resting his forehead against Niall’s. “Can we snog now?”

Niall snorted at the straightforwardness of the words, standing up on his tiptoes to kiss Bressie. The breath felt it was getting sucked out of his lungs, his insides on fire. It felt good, every time he kissed Bressie felt good, but this time felt different. It was supposed to happen, they were supposed to end up like this. As complicated as everything had been, this was okay. A nameless five star hotel in the heart of Boston Massachusetts was exactly where Niall wanted to be. His body was covered in the one person who made him feel like home no matter where he was. He could be in a dingy pub or the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, being around Bressie reminded him of Mullingar and that’s exactly what he wanted to be reminded of each and every day of his life.


End file.
